Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Brother Consolmagno's Cosmogonic Space Sheep Earth Ranch
“I am the Good Shepherd . . . I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to My voice. So there will be one flock, one Shepherd.”ET lives . . . and he's Christian
The Times, UK, Ruth Gledhill, Oct. 18, 2005
There is probably intelligent life elsewhere in the Universe, and there is evidence in the Bible to suggest that it could be Christian, according to the Roman Catholic Church.
In a document published by the Catholic Truth Society, the official publisher for the Vatican, a papal astronomer speculates that “sooner or later, the human race will discover that there are other intelligent creatures out there in the Universe”.
Brother Guy Consolmagno, a Jesuit, who is one of the Vatican’s leading astronomers, concedes that he could be wrong. Ultimately, he says, “We don’t know.” But in the new book, part of the Explanations series designed to explain Catholic teaching in everyday language, he says that part of his hunch is scientific.
[...]
There is probably intelligent life elsewhere in the Universe, and there is evidence in the Bible to suggest that it could be Christian, according to the Roman Catholic Church.
In a document published by the Catholic Truth Society, the official publisher for the Vatican, a papal astronomer speculates that “sooner or later, the human race will discover that there are other intelligent creatures out there in the Universe”.
Brother Guy Consolmagno, a Jesuit, who is one of the Vatican’s leading astronomers, concedes that he could be wrong.
Ultimately, he says, “We don’t know.” But in the new book, part of the Explanations series designed to explain Catholic teaching in everyday language, he says that part of his hunch is scientific.
[...]
To back up his hunch that the aliens will have been subject to Christ’s saving grace, he cites the verses from John’s Gospel known as the Good Shepherd passage.
In John x, 14-16, Jesus says: “I am the Good Shepherd . . . I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to My voice. So there will be one flock, one Shepherd.”
So, Vatican Guy, like are your tryin' to tell me that then, maybe, there could even be like an evil Cosmic Devil Cow, and, and then, like the leader of the evil Devil Cows would get into a giant space battle with the Good Shepherd Space Sheep farmers over intergallactic grazing rights, and stuff like that, and then there could be like these Space Wolves who would dress up like the sheep, and everything, like it's in the Bible and all that, and then, then sneak into the pasture at night to scare away the flock and maybe even kill the baby sheep or try to get the sheep to have sex with the Devil Cows? And that's where the Bullsheep came from and the Bullsheep would be like Planet Hollywood science liberals or something like that and they would try to teach eveyone that everyone came here millions and zillions of Enlightenmment years ago from some exploding Bullsheep Evolution Star!
And so then there would be like this big Space Sheep Shepherding Ship that would come to save the Earth Farm and it would be filled with these like hot ladies, with like giant white chicken wings, who were like half hot ladies and half hot chicken-wing people, like ya know angels or something like that, and they would fight the horned Devil Cow and the Bullsheep Star People for universal supremacy and would also help mend all the fences and fly around over the flock so that the Space Wolves and the Bullsheep and the Devil Cows would have to find another space pasture to live on.
But then, like what some Shepherds say, that wouldn't happen right away because maybe all the Space Sheep would first have to phone home for help and be taken back to the Space Sheep home planet first and then come back once the True Space Sheep Shepherd Warrior and the hot chicken-wing ladies defeat the Devil Cows and the Bullsheep and the Wolves and the Wandering Jew Weed -- oh, did I mention the Wandering Jew Weed? --- whatever, never mind that for now.... Anyway, like there is a big Final Cosmic Battle and then the Great Space-Sheep Shepherd Himself returns and the evil Devil Cow is put back in the barn for a thousand million zillion years and the Bullsheep weep for merciful salvation and the Terror Wolves howl at a Crescent Moon and the Wandering Jew Weed will stop spreading and agree to become a curious potted plant on the kitchen table of Christ. Right there on the Great Space Sheep Jeezious Settlement Ranch. And the Pope will become the first President Chief Operating Executive of the Earth Kingdom and Harriet Miers will be the First Mother. So to speak. Assuming there is no schismatic sour grapes hanky panky over that decision.
So ok - then whoa!, Brother Guy!, Papal dood, sign me up for the seminars! Praise the Big Bong theory! And speakin' of farming, who grew the incense? That guy should have his own blessed vineyard to stomp around in.
Hey, are there anymore of those hot-chicken wings left?
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