Friday, February 24, 2006

old hippies with a sense of humor 

...and a lot more free time on their hands.

Via Gordon at Alternate Brain:

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"This here is Floyd. I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding drugs inside!"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no drugs. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"


"Did they split yer farwood?"


"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

To many Barney Fifes, not enough sheriff Andy's.
Obviously if Virgil and and Floyd had any amount of drugs worth rooting through a cord or two or four of firewood for they would have sold some of them drugs and got themselves one of them fancy hydraulic wood splitter contraptions. Preferably the HWS Beaver Dam 2006 with the monster tires and the Jerry Garcia all Weather Outdoor Hillbilly Dual Surround-Sound Deep Dark Holler Speakers and Suet Feeder System (install one under your pine tree today!). Woodpeckers and barefoot hippy girls love em!



Far out on the desert to the north dustspouts rose wobbling and augered the earth and some said they'd heard of pilgrims borne aloft like dervishes in those mindless coils to be dropped broken and bleeding upon the desert again and there perhaps to watch the thing that had destroyed them lurch onward like some drunken djinn and resolve itself once more into the elements from which it sprang. Out of that whirlwind no voice spoke and the pilgrim lying in his broken bones may cry out and in his anguish he may rage, but rage at what? And if the dried and blackened shell of him is found among the sands by travelers to come yet who can discover the engine of his ruin? ~ Cormac McCarthy Blood Meridian

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