Tuesday, March 21, 2006

please don't eat the salvia 

Janeane Garofalo (Majority Report / Air America radio - dot com) brought up the subject of Salvia's woosie properties on The Majority Report last night. Similarly see this recent excitable bit of boing-eyed banana peel smoking hoo-haa from NPR: the great salvia scare of 2006!

Run for your lives!

Look. Please, all you college students out there listening to Air America or reading the the wow-wee from NPR - please don't start uprooting your weird Aunt Ruby Moon's Salvia patch sprouting in front of her front porch or aside her rustic stone wall or run off to your local greenhouse or garden center or roadside farm to market drive by snatch a squash and run stand this spring to purchase or steal all the Salvia on the lot because you think that you are going to give Carlos Costanada a run for his money. Forget it.

Salvia is a common perennial and annual flowering plant - easy to grow - and an excellent addition to any garden or landscaping production you might undertake.

Salvia divinorum is not - I repeat NOT - the same critter growing in Ma's flower garden or being sold at you local home garden and flower emporium. OK? Differnet Latin names here. Salvia coccinea, farinacaea, patens "Cambridge Blue", transylvanica, and so forth and so on.

So please don't drive your local plant dood crazy this spring with request for this divinorum stuff. Or drive the rest of us nuts by encouraging the carney show loons in cable TVland to send froggy half-wits like Rita Crosby loose in search of three headed snakes and drooling demon seeded sex crazed Salvia-slaves operating sinister underground hothouse flower networks or whatever -- you know it'll happen - THE GREAT SALVIA SCARE OF 2006!!!!! -- and blah blah blah....

** the royal family of Singapore controls most of the worlds illegal Salvia Divinorum trade!!!! - Really! Rita.. go git em Rita, Anderson Cooper, Larry King Thing, Blank Catatonic Stare Person from the FoxNoise Channel, all of yoooz... got git em! Don't delay! Book passage to Singapore today!**

The rest of you idiots: If you want to get a buzz do what real Americans do and grow some good old fashion curly-bud in a pile of chickenshit in your backyard or under lights in your dorm room closet. But Salvia Divinorum... take my word for it... it ain't available at your local suburban home depot garden center. Unless you live next door to an old Indian somewhere in Mexico or are a good buddy of Martin A. Lee or sumpin' in which case you know what to do anyway... etc...

if you know what i mean. And I think you do. Or maybe not.

And this concludes my most recent flirtation with blogging futilitarianism. Good day and good luck.


Far out on the desert to the north dustspouts rose wobbling and augered the earth and some said they'd heard of pilgrims borne aloft like dervishes in those mindless coils to be dropped broken and bleeding upon the desert again and there perhaps to watch the thing that had destroyed them lurch onward like some drunken djinn and resolve itself once more into the elements from which it sprang. Out of that whirlwind no voice spoke and the pilgrim lying in his broken bones may cry out and in his anguish he may rage, but rage at what? And if the dried and blackened shell of him is found among the sands by travelers to come yet who can discover the engine of his ruin? ~ Cormac McCarthy Blood Meridian

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